Mental health problems often arise as a result of the following processes: Disclaiming one’s emotions; preserving past emotional responses in the present; emotion dysregulation (distress) and the construction of particular narratives or stories about oneself (being bad, vulnerable, unworthy etc.). ‘Environmental failure’ in the past, where developmental needs were not met by caregivers, meant that it was too painful to feel and to need so people learn to shut down and avoid feeling the loneliness, fear and shame induced by these situations.
When needs have not been met by people in the past it is possible to get others in the present to meet these valid needs which facilitates healing. It is important to learn to see oneself as deserving of having one’s needs met which then mobilises a sense of agency to get that need met. From this sense that ‘I am deserving’, healing emotions can be activated like assertive anger, grief at what was missed or compassion for oneself.